New Tools to Make Me a Crusher

Christmas came early this year and I've managed to get my hands on two pretty sweet little gizmos that are going to help turn me into a true European hard man. First up is the newest supercomputer to hit the roads from GPS manufacturer Garmin: the Edge 800. Yup, this is the same Garmin that sponsors that one team with all those quick guys, including the fastest firecrotch in cycling, and one of the sprinters I admire most, Mr. Tyler Farrar. I don't know if those dudes helped Garmin design the 800, but it's pretty much the most powerful tool you could have on your handlebars, and it's smaller and lighter than older models, but with a bigger screen. Did I mention it's a touch-screen? Take that, iphone! I didn't want you anyway! Seriously though, this rig can tell me everything I ever wanted to know about my ride and then some, not to mention it has the power to keep even me from getting lost. There are only two drawbacks. First, Garmin has some pretty glaring errors in the manual that border on criminal false advertising. Hey, nobody's perfect, and I'm in contact with them to resolve the issue. The second drawback is that the 800 is clearly smarter than I am, and I feel slightly threatened by it. Sometimes I feel compelled to shout out trivia to show it I'm not just a big pile of meat. If you want to read in painful detail about all the features, some tri dork did a write-up that borders on obsessive. Don't say I didn't warn you.

(The next little doodad is really freakin' cool! To set the mood get this very fitting, classic track from Peter Gabriel bumping in the background. Note: MARC PRO not for use on monkeys.)

I also managed to get my hands on a new MARC PRO unit. Right about now you might be asking yourself, "what the hell is a Marc Pro?" Well, this is a MARC PRO: The sleek piece of technology you see pictured is an amazing device intended to speed recovery of muscles after strenuous workouts. The MARC PRO has been developed by the same people who designed and perfected the H-Wave medical device over the last 3 decades. You can cruise on over to H-Wave.com to get all the juicy, technical details behind the science of this product, as well as links to dozens of studies showing its benefits. Be sure to take a look at the list of over 40 professional sports teams that have used the MARC PRO, like the Lakers, 49ers and US Postal. The MARC PRO uses H-Wave technology, but is designed to be powerful and portable for elite athletes. MARC stands for muscle actuated recovery cascade, and PRO is short for professional, because nothing is more professional than having a tricked out, futuristic machine zap your legs fresh while you watch Kenny F*&$in' Powers scream around on his leopard-print jetski. Hell yeah.

How does it work? Well, the MARC PRO uses ultra low frequency stimulation to create comfortable yet strong muscle contractions that increase circulation and enhance fluid movement which aids in healing. The increased circulation and fluid movement are benefits that one would experience during exercise, but because the stimulation is passive there is no resultant muscle tear or degradation. SWEET! I just got this puppy the other day, so after I electrocute myself for a few days I'll be sure to let you know how it's going. There are only two rules: don't place the electrodes on the front and back of your chest, and don't pass current through your brain. So super intelligence is out, but I bet I develop legs like Steve Austin. Check out the MARC PRO in action and be sure to head over to the MARC PRO website when it gets up and running.

Awesome! ProTour here I come!