T&T 2010 I: Cast of Characters

After a few wonderful nights of 10+hrs of sleep I'm finally over my jet lag and ready to attempt to document the pure lunacy that was T&T 2010. There's just way too much to put down in one sitting, so I'll have to break this epic tale down into a few installments. Without further ado, I bring you Episode One.

Down in Trinidad and Tobago everybody gets a nickname. In fact, there are a lot of people whose real names I never learned. I mean, I'm fairly sure that one guy's mom didn't name him Pretty. We all got nicknames too; some of them flattering and some... eh, not so much.

Atze Dijkhuis aka The Bald Eagle

Atze is a Dutch wonder who has been racking bikes since before I was born. He could disassemble and reassemble his bike blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back in under 6 minutes. He can read a race like a Spot book and he is perhaps the funniest man I've ever met. Pure gold.

Tim Ottens aka Lurch

Tim is another prodigy from the Netherlands. An accomplished mountain biker, Tim is making the transition to road and cyclocross, apparently because he's bored with crushing souls on the dirt; he's represented his country twice at the World Championships. He's disturbingly good at imitating accents and climbs like he has wings. So, looking at that picture, how tall do you think Tim is? Here's a hint: Atze is over 6 feet. I'm told that back home they call him Otzi, which is the name of a neanderthal found frozen in ice.

Jamie Sparling aka (S)Perv aka The Champion aka That Canadian

This guy is something else. A true Canuck, he's always willing to remind us how stupid our all green money and private healthcare system are. The guy has an amazingly quick wit, so quick in fact that it seems to outpace his internal censor sometimes, leading to pretty much the funniest commentary I've ever heard and earning him his nickname. The only thing quicker than his wit is his cycling. Hilarious, easy-going, and strong as an ox. This is a man you want on your team.

Nathan Parks aka Nate the Great aka Late Nate aka High Natenance

Nate is a straight up scientist, a true brain, and mad climber. A native of Iowa, Nate added his sing song midwestern twang to the chorus of crazy accents that collided on the islands. Nate's analytical mind always liked to know the plan. Unfortunately for him, creating a plan that we'd stick to was about as likely as getting snowed on. Nate did bring enough tools to start his own bike shop down there, and that sure did come in handy!

Philp R. Mooney aka Shorty aka Short Stack aka Small Man

Poor Phil. He's not really all that short. I mean, he's 5 foot 6 if he's an inch, but when everyone else on the team is well over 6 feet then you're kinda stuck. I think Phil was hoping for something along the lines of "The Beast" or "Bulletproof Tiger" but it just wasn't meant to be. Phil never complained, he just rode like he was ten feet tall and let his legs do the talking for him.

Roger Farrell aka Frenchie aka D Bossman

Roger is the mastermind behind this whole crazy adventure. A native of Trinidad, Rog rode professionally in the US and Europe for a number of years. He occasionally gets back to the islands to further his horse training business and bring a few international riders to lay the down the law in the local races. Why Frenchie? Because he has green eyes, just like a Frenchman. Hey, I didn't make it up.

Peter Sue aka Bruce Lee aka Gunshow aka The Limbo King

In case you were wondering, Peter is the guy in the middle using his ninja skills to get some killer pictures of us at an awards ceremony. Pete is a true champ. Originally from Guyana, Pete is a bay area guy and I have him to thank for getting me hooked up with Rog initially. Peter is Roger's right hand man and a jack of all trades. I suppose if you used the term loosely you could call him the team Soigneur, but he also filled the position of photographer, cook, resident limbo expert and a dozen others. Rog and the other Trinbagonians call him Bruce Lee because he has Chinese ancestry.

Zap... or possibly Zep, I'm not really sure

Hands down the craziest, sketchiest man I've ever met. He was, in theory, our driver, and he also provided us with meals at his guest house. He once left me standing on the side of the road with a flat while he went to get cigarettes and a cd, and that was during a race. Its hard to convey just how nutty this guy is.

Me

Yup, that's me, your humble narrator. They call me Big Ben. I'm not English, I'm not known for my punctuality and I don't appear on the hundred dollar bill. I guess I got the name because I'm larger than any cyclist has a right to be. They should have called me Tanlines.

And now that you know who's who I can start weaving my tale...